The Jon Venture

Dear Wii,

After our breakup back in August, we’ve not spent much time together. Feelings were hurt, things were said, and I knew that we needed time apart. Even after a few flings, there was still not enough to make me want to reconsider my decision. Then I woke this morning and you called out to me from the living room, trying to lure me with those all too familiar words:

“Here we go!”

It worked. You’ve definitely got my attention.

Released November 15^th, 2009, New Super Mario Bros. Wii is a throwback to the classic 2-D side-scrolling Mario Bros. platformer that put Nintendo on the map. This isn’t Mario Mario as a baseball player, doctor, or a football goalie; this is the adventurous plumber who saves Princess Peach and takes down Bowser. Combining decades worth of Koopa stomping skills, New Super Mario Bros. Wii is the reason to own a Nintendo Wii. It is also the reason we’re still spending time together and you’re not stuck in the backroom of a GameStop earning your keep the hard way.

Rather than enjoying our afternoon of nostalgic bliss together alone, you’ve grown a bit bolder and decided to let a few of my friends join us. New Super Mario Bros. Wii enhances the traditional Mario experience primarily by allowing up to four players to play on one screen at the same time. The result is a chaotic mix of bounding fireballs and nameless Toads that invites bystanders to jump in either competitively or cohesively to save Princess Peach rather than pouting and waiting for their turn to play. Unfortunately, the additional characters on-screen end up as Tails did back in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and play catch-up for most of the time. As much as I love the idea of bringing more people into the mix, I don’t think it would have been too much to ask of you for some online capabilities to fix this issue.

We… you’ve always had that issue, Wii.

You love to spend time with others, Wii, but only with the people just within reach. You’ve got some odd restrictions and unnecessarily complicated digits to memorize in hopes of meeting new faces, and that’s probably why you spend most Saturday nights alone while the other systems in this generation strive online. I know what you’re going to say, that there’s already a lot happening on the screen for you to also worry about the capabilities of New Super Mario Bros. Wii online. It seems that you just don’t want to let go of those tired memories from our childhood, but you should. The time of inviting the other neighborhood kids over for anything short of a full orchestra comprised of plastic instruments is gone. The lack of online capabilities for New Super Mario Bros. Wii, especially in our current generation of online gaming, tarnishes what would have otherwise been a perfect 2-D side scrolling Mario game.

The most infamous gameplay feature you’re introducing in New Super Mario Bros. Wii is the Super Guide, essentially playing the game for me. Upon dying eight times in a row on any given level, a giant green box appears that releases Luigi on activation and lets him beat the stage. None of the frills or excitement of playing a Mario game remain intact when using the Super Guide; no extra items or coins are collected, and Luigi even manages to defeat Boss enemies without fail. This is not only not fun, Wii, but basically cheating your way to the end of a game. Yes, you could argue that the Super Guide feature provides the same assistance that an older sibling or best friend would when completing a Mario game, but I would be embarrassed to be caught using your Super Guide. Know what happened when I died eight times playing Super Mario World on SNES as a kid? I got up a ninth time and completed the level. I didn’t cry about it or call my little brother Luigi to come beat the tough bad guys for me, I just learned from my mistakes and got it right. I truly hope that this is the first and last appearance of the Super Guide; its very existence poisons the integrity of video gaming as a whole. As a fan of the Mario franchise, I simply will not use the Super Guide.

With those gripes aside, Wii, I’m glad that you still remembered how to make me happy with all of the items that you’ve included in New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Mirroring the classic Fire Flowers from the Super Mario series are the new Ice Flowers, giving Mario the ability to throw snowballs that freeze enemies in their tracks and turn them into temporary platforms. The idea of power suits I loved from Super Mario Bros. 3 and Galaxy return too, now featuring the new high flying Propeller Mario that uses Mario’s Corkscrew Jump to propel him upwards and slowly descend. My favorite new suit, though, is the incredible Penguin Mario that surpasses the swimming capabilities of the old-school Frog Suit, allows firm footing on ice, and grants the snowball abilities of the Ice Flower. I was never less impressed with Bowser’s fireballs until I was dissipating them and sliding under the others dressed as a penguin. The Mini Mushroom from New Super Mario Bros. on the DS returns as well, granting a tiny stature, lofty jump, and the ability to run across the surface of water. That’s quite an impressive arsenal, and each item will be needed along with the standard mushrooms and stars in order to defeat Bowser and his Koopalings across multiple levels in nine worlds.

The levels themselves in New Super Mario Bros. Wii felt familiar but still provided a thumb-numbing challenge that can make even veterans of the series shout obscenities at the screen much as I did. There are your mandatory themed stages, often covered in sheets of ice or being pummeled by flaming lava boulders, and others that highlight the use the aforementioned new power ups. The item management system in New Super Mario Bros. Wii is also a useful feature, and allows the use of power ups prior to entering a level. Even armed as Penguin Mario or radiating across the screen with the use of a Super Star, it still required me to use skill to complete a stage. With the addition of the Wii Remote’s motion controls, there are also a few interesting twists on the traditional platforming mechanics that had me genuinely smiling. None of that Super Guide nonsense… and if you mention it to me again, we’re calling this whole game off.

Ultimately, Super Mario Bros. Wii makes me glad I still kept you around. It would have been ridiculously easy to kick you out of my life and ignore the fun we had years ago, but I knew that you still had great potential, Wii. So long as you keep up the incredible first party games, you will still have a spot in my living room. I’m not talking about Wii Music, Wii Fit, or WarioWare- you can keep that shovelware for those gamers who don’t know any better. I’m talking about titles like Team Ninja’s Metroid: Other M or a new Star Fox title featuring online intergalactic dog fighting in Arwings. If you want to survive the seventh generation of gaming, you’ll build upon your famous franchises and stop trying to impress me with a new My Sims title or a hand-me-down port of a game from a more powerful system. Your original characters and personality are more than enough to keep me happy, all you have to do is remember your roots and what made you special in the first place. New Super Mario Bros. Wii is the first step you’ve made in the right direction in a long time, Wii, and I hope its undoubted success inspires you and keeps you around for years to come…

…or at least until we get to return to Santa Destroy next year.

Happily Yours,

Jon Venture