The Jon Venture

Greetings, Gamers!

All at once, it seems, life has thrown me a few curve balls. Mostly fastballs. Think of it as standing in front of a pitching machine, but less comedic and more expensive. Some people are gone from my life, some returning, and some who I’ve vowed to never speak to again are now on almost daily updates. Think of it as a real-life twitter, or as most people used to call them before their avatars became their preferred view, “conversations” with “people”. Speaking of which, I’ve come up with a new avatar for myself:

Do not be alarmed, I am not the intellectual subconscience of a robotic dinosaur, just a kid who grew up loving the REAL Transformers. Sweet pic I found, no?

Beyond that tidbit I’ve also moved to a new pad, a new office, and found new love for an old distraction: the embodiment of one Miss Jessica Rabbit and Harley Quinn all at once. Intelligent, beautiful, and capable of snuffing me out on a whim. Courting this girl’s like playing with fire. Awesome.

When not trying to grow up a bit and actually go out for a change, I find myself back in my comfortable old spot on the couch playing 360. Still hitting up a few games of Uno and Magic: DotP on Live, as well as 1 vs 100. Also played Overlord 2 as of late, the Conduit on Wii, and previewed Phantom Brave, the Metroid Prime Trilogy, and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: The Game. I’ll be posting all that stuff on here soon, but the original articles can be found at my stomping grounds at sfx-360.com .

Something about a little boy’s saturday morning cartoons coming to the big screen that has me amped for G.I. Joe. I played the game at E3 with Nick Pavlich from EA, and it was actually pretty good. The guy is passionate about his work as a producer, and didn’t want to let fans down when they picked this one up. I liked hearing that. It made me want to want this game to be good. Kudos, Nick, and I hope the game soars upon release.

Right about now I should throw one of these for good measure.

So that’s where I’ve been for the past few weeks, working my game and spending some quality time with friends. Oh, and I had a blast at ITT Tech in Davie, Fl. last week for the SFX 360 tournament. Threw down some SF4 and was beaten handily, but fun nonetheless. Serious CoD, Halo, and Gears players there, and the whispers of a possible upcoming Madden 10 tourney were already filling the halls.

I’ll be sure to keep The Jon Venture updated on the latest gaming happenings and all that is awesome. Until then, enjoy Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow in the upcoming Iron Man 2. You’re welcome.

By Jon Venture

Oh yes, ye of little faith. Thou was correct in assuming the new Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen game for Wii, developed by Activision and published by Krome Studios (Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, Hellboy: The Science of Evil) would be another cheap shot at your childhood memories. Kind of what the corporate machine did to our beloved Transformers when they launched the newest series:

Released June 23^rd, 2009 to ride the marketing wave for the summer blockbuster movie of the same name, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was a short-lived exercise in how to port a PS2 action shooter to the seventh generation and pass it off as a comparable substitute. Being a Nintendo faithful, even after their showing at E3 this past year, I pressed forward and decided to give Optimus and co. a chance on the Wii. Not the hulking PS3 or X360, with their shiny graphics and multiplayer awesomeness, but the Big N’s little magic box. I should have saved my cash for a new collectible instead.

It’s not a toy; it’s a coll-ect-i-ble.

Right from the beginning, the visual flaws in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen are trying to be hidden just as Megan Fox’s manager try to hide her thumbs during a photo shoot.

See, I wasn’t looking at her thumbs either.

The battle in Shanghai and Starscream’s railed flyovers provide flimsy distractions for the lack of polish put into this movie game. The cars seen during the highway chase can get a bit antiquated, and the ships on the ocean are just as bad. Maybe I should have been playing the X360 version instead. Maybe I was hoping for more than just awkwardly flashy bursts when I play with Transformers. Or maybe that’s just what I envision each time I pretended to fly over my Autobot collectibles with Starscream in my living room…

…as a kid

…can’t stress that enough, ladies. It’s not like I’m pretending to be an actual Transformer myself.

Sixth-gen graphics aside, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen also takes a hit when it comes to the control department. The trusty Wii Remote allows you to point at baddies on screen, and the trigger lets you rip into them with your pea shooters. Simple enough, but there’s a delay for some weapons that sometimes defeated whatever tactical advantage I had going for me, and firing anywhere but generally in front of you is tricky. If the heat is on, you could waggle the Nunchuck to dodge to the sides, but I didn’t bother. It was much easier to simply run and gun. Even the Man with no Name would be frustrated with some of these shots.

And the melee combat isn’t much better either, even during the boss battles which I shall not reveal for the sake of those living under a rock or on their way to the theaters later this week to watch the film for a third time.

Who am I kidding? You’re not going to play this game all the way through the boss battles. There are no Wii “Achievements” that make you want to sift through this all either. Some cut scenes, gesture attacks, and decent voice acting is included, but still not enough to make a child of the 80’s such as myself want to actually purchase this foray into the Transformers universe. And unlike the other seventh generation counterparts, there is no choosing sides to this robot war, you only get what you’re served as you chug through the game like your first car with a bad transmission on a rainy day. Don’t do it to yourself.

It will keep the young’uns quiet for a few hours, but Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen for Wii is ultimately not worth the price of admission. Go take your family to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in theaters instead of buying this game. You’ll have much more fun regardless of what you think of the film, and you won’t be labeled a misfit hermit with a stash of robot toys.